I need to get something off of my chest before we proceed with our soon to be very serious relationship.
.
.
.
I am an absolute WHORE for tea. Hot tea, cold tea, whatever tea. Add sugar to it, and I'm begging for it like a damn puppydog. I dream about tea at night, I lust over it whilst awake. I thought, THOUGHT, that I couldn't find a variety unworthy of my time.
This is no longer the case.
I wrote an ode to the tea that has dampened my my once almost unnatural love for plant leaves.
Lapsang souchong, you've changed me.
I no longer carry the belief that tea should be loved unconditionally.
Why?
Because you are naaaaaaaasty.
Funky.
Certainly not delicious.
How you can be related in any form to my favorite jasmine scented green tea pearls will forever confound me.
I implore you, why do you taste like ashtrays and dandruff shampoo?
Have you been ill-informed about the proper nuances that you should strive for?
A bouquet of campfire and charred tobacco is entirely unpleasant, even to a girl who likes cheese that smells of socks, according to my 7 year old.
Prejudice runs rampant as I assume everyone that likes you must be culinarily retarded.
Perhaps your fans huffed an excess of gasoline.
You are the beverage equivalent.
You will forever inspire mouth vomit when I recall our time together...
Repugnant.
Poor funky tea.
You will never know my love.
.
.
.
I am an absolute WHORE for tea. Hot tea, cold tea, whatever tea. Add sugar to it, and I'm begging for it like a damn puppydog. I dream about tea at night, I lust over it whilst awake. I thought, THOUGHT, that I couldn't find a variety unworthy of my time.
This is no longer the case.
I wrote an ode to the tea that has dampened my my once almost unnatural love for plant leaves.
Lapsang souchong, you've changed me.
I no longer carry the belief that tea should be loved unconditionally.
Why?
Because you are naaaaaaaasty.
Funky.
Certainly not delicious.
How you can be related in any form to my favorite jasmine scented green tea pearls will forever confound me.
I implore you, why do you taste like ashtrays and dandruff shampoo?
Have you been ill-informed about the proper nuances that you should strive for?
A bouquet of campfire and charred tobacco is entirely unpleasant, even to a girl who likes cheese that smells of socks, according to my 7 year old.
Prejudice runs rampant as I assume everyone that likes you must be culinarily retarded.
Perhaps your fans huffed an excess of gasoline.
You are the beverage equivalent.
You will forever inspire mouth vomit when I recall our time together...
Repugnant.
Poor funky tea.
You will never know my love.
Fini.
That's one of the only teas I haven't tried yet. Now I know to stay clear.
ReplyDeleteThe only one I've had that I couldn't handle was earl grey. Kind of soapy-tasting.
Hahahaha I hated earl grey for years until I had some from Fortnum & Mason as a teenager. I think Americans just dont do it the way it should be done. It should taste citrus-y and fragrant, not soapy, but soapy is EXACTLY what alot of the American versions taste like.
ReplyDeletevery good blog, congratulations
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